Friday, May 20, 2011

The Commando Kid

I think it is a very common practice for parents to look at their children and to speculate on what that child will grow up to be.  Parents wistfully wish for future doctors, lawyers, teachers, poets and scientists while the baby happily crawls around in soiled diapers shouting nonsensical words.  Could my own crazy-haired baby with crusty food on her face be her generation's Albert Einstein or Maya Angelou?

If I were to predict Bean's future career path on her current behavior, there would be only one obvious choice: Commando.

Commando might seem like an odd choice for my daughter's career, but really I'm only imagining this because of her demonstrated tenacity, fearlessness, determination and critical thinking.  Okay, maybe I'm attributing too much to my thirteen month old.  Then again, maybe this is how GI Jane started.

Here's my evidence:  Bean crawls around the apartment with such speed that sometimes I turn around and I lose her.  Only her little giggle will give away her location.  She's stealth.  She will crawl into a hiding place and wait for you to find her.  Clearly, this baby has patience.

When she does crawl around and she needs to get from Point A to Point B, and she needs her Bear with her (as I'm certain many elite commandos do), she bites down hard on Bear and holds Bear gingerly in her mouth and continues her crawling tirade.  If she needs to bring her Bear and a ball with her to Point B, the Bear goes in her mouth and the ball in her hand, and she will happily crawl loaded up to her desired location.  What a multitasker!  She could just as easily be carrying a giant knife in her mouth and a grenade in her hand.

Long before Billy Idol made the "Rebel Yell" a pop anthem for a generation, the rebel yell was actually a battle cry for young confederate soldiers.  Upon embarking on charge, the young stalwarts would unleash a vocal fury that emboldened the Southerners while at the same time shooting arrows of fear into the their opponents' hearts.  Bean has her own battle cry.  It is a high pitched stream of nonsensical sounds that when put together sound not unlike a banshee's cry that is clearly designed to immobilize her opponents (often times Mom and Dad).

I'm confident that Bean will also be able to outwit any would-be torturers/assassins.  Take her crib, for example.  It's a cage of sorts and Bean will methodically throw every item out of her crib until she has your attention.  Toys, pacifiers, books, blocks, bears, even pants eventually get tossed from the crib.  If I think she's taking a nap, I'm sorely mistaken.  Bean must have graduated from some torture-proof training in utero because there are days that I can't break her and my well-seasoned commando will not nap.

Commandos are known for their physical strength and discipline.  Bean will spend hours daily doing various yoga poses.  She does the Downward Dog and Cobra poses better than I do and she can hold them for minutes effortlessly.  She can pull herself up on almost anything so I suspect she could easily beat anyone is a push-up competition.  She's our very own mini Jack Palance.

Will Bean actually grow up to me a member of an elite military group?  I don't know.  Maybe.  At this point, she can be anything and I love that she has a whole world of possibilities in her future.  I will love her and support in whatever career path she chooses.  And if she is a commando, she will look damn cute in camouflage.

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