Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Turd on the Floor (or Holy Crap! I have two kids)

I have two kids.  I have two kids.  I have two kids.

When I first came home from the hospital, it was easy to forget this small detail.  Someone was always there to take care of Bean or do the dishes or get dinner.  Then slowly, but surely my helpers returned to their own regularly scheduled programming and I was left with the startling revelation that I have two kids, and often they demand things of me at the same time.  When both kids are screaming for me at the same time, I feel my knees turn to jello and the corners of my eyes start to twitch because I'm so close to joining them in hysterics and then I helplessly flail my arms about like a drowning victim, praying that my husband walks in the door to save me, and/or our kids.

Here's what I figured out:

Sometimes, there is poop on the floor.  Maybe it's yours, hopefully it's one of your kids.  When this happens, as much as you may want to freak out and cry.  You have to freeze, check everybody's feet to prevent further poop mishaps.  If someone is crying, try to sing a song.  If both kids are crying, let them.   A little crying won't hurt anyone and your primary goal should be to limit poop exposure.

Recite the following at all times in your head:  You have two kids.  This means that you won't forget the baby in the house, in the car or in the shopping cart.  Also, keep both eyes on your 3-year as she is now much more likely to wander off and try to befriend another family to get more attention and/or candy.

Multitask.  I can breastfeed while getting Bean on and off the potty, wipe her butt, changed into pajamas and into her bed all with one nipple safely lodged in HT's mouth.  You need to make dinner?  Strap HT in the Bjorn, hoist Bean on the counter and make dinner together.  Totally burnt out and its only 3 o'clock?  Family trip to the drive-thru Starbucks while blaring Beauty and the Beast soundtrack.  I'm infinitely happier with an iced coffee in my hand.  Also, maybe, just maybe both kids will fall asleep and then you can park in your air-conditioned car and listen to NPR while sipping your delicious iced beverage.

My house isn't going to be clean for a while.  Unless some elves come over and assist me during the night, the floor will be dirty, the laundry will pile up, and the fridge might grow some weird stuff in the corners.  We'll survive.

As long as my kids are fed, clean, and feel loved, I'm doing an admirable job and when it's too much, I'll just tag J in and go upstairs and nap. Naps are good for everyone.

1 comment:

  1. There is often poop on my floor too. And in the beginning when people would ask me how we were doing, my answer was "well, someone is always crying and sometimes, it's me". Hang in there! It will get easier!